Why We Need to Ban Phoenix and Unban KCI Immediately

Today is the day after a Grand Prix but the results have not yet been made available for analysis so we will have to wait until tomorrow. It is also the beginning of a new month but I would prefer to wait for the GP Calgary results to complete the data set. Regardless, we need an article to start April off right so I am back with another hot take. We need to ban Phoenix and unban KCI effective yesterday.

Phoenix is no Fun
Arclight Phoenix decks are not fun to play with or against. You just put a Phoenix in the grave or a 0/4 Titi into play. Then you cast a bunch of card draw spells that do not do anything. Suddenly you have 3/2 haste flyers or you bounce the board and have a 7/8. I just do not get it. Why would anyone want to do that? Clearly it was the best performing deck at five straight Grands Prix because of power level rather than fun. And Magic is a game so it should be fun. Who likes playing against it either? They do not fold to sideboard hate so you have to actually play Magic. And Magic is an esport so it should not be fun. In conclusion, I think we should ban Phoenix for being fun and interactive.

KCI was lots of Fun
Krark-Clan Ironworks decks were fun to play with and against. Everybody liked playing against it right? It did not fold to sideboard hate and ended the game decisively; preventing you from playing Magic. And Magic is an esport so it should not be fun. It was even more fun to play with. You assemble a bunch of useless artifacts. Then sacrifice them for mana and loop them back via rules loopholes that most players did not understand. This is how Richard Garfield Ph.D. intended for the game of Magic to be played. And Magic is a game so it should be fun. In conclusion, I think it was banned despite not being widely represented because WotC hates fun and is trying to kill Magic.

Nobody reads Anything after the Headline
A key reason that we need to make this swap ban is that nobody reads articles anymore. People just look at the headline and start commenting. Regular folks are more interested in fighting amongst themselves in the comments. I wish this were not the case but here we are. Last week’s opinion piece caused much of this with people arguing against points that were not even in the article. For what it is worth, negative feedback is better than none. Of course I do not want everyone to agree with me. On the other hand, it is tough to be vilified for having an opinion. Looking at the cover photo might tip people off to the actual focus of this article though. Some of them might even notice what is spelled out if they look at the first letter of each sentence in this paragraph.

I hope that I have clearly presented my case why the final day of GP Calgary should have seen the Phoenix players sent home and replaced with former KCI players. In all sincerity, I hope that this silly April Fools’ Day article has not rustled your jimmies too much. I went back and forth on whether I should write it but when CFB failed to share the GP data in a timely manner, I could not help myself. We will be back tomorrow with a legitimate analysis of the GP Calgary results. Until then my friends. And have a lovely April Fools’ Day.

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